A Positive.

This morning I woke up in the middle of the night really early.  Like 3:30am early.  I was WIDE awake.  My first thought is, I hope it is at least 5am.  But, gosh darn it it was only 3 twenty something...!  And this wasn't the first night.  I woke up in the middle of the night at least 4 times in the past few weeks.  Very odd.

So back to this morning.  I had made a deal with myself (one of those official-but-changed-your-mind-a-million-times-already-in-your-head deals) that I would not pee on a stick until Tuesday. But, I woke up early and with an urgency I decided to just go ahead and do it.  So I did.  And then I carried that pee stick to my nightstand and tried to fall back asleep. Well, imagine my surprise when my iphone screen showed enough light to read "Pregnant" (while squinting with only one eye open).  Holy cow.  I then had to get back up and walk to the bathroom to read it again with enough light to ensure I wasn't just seeing things.  Sure enough, it still said "Pregnant".   So, what do I do now?  Well of course, pee on another stick!  So that is what I did.  Except this time there was not the same urgency if you know what I mean.  Long story short, this test did not work because of lack-of-data.  And then I was out of sticks.

I climbed back into bed and tried desperately to fall back asleep.  But I couldn't.  So at 5:05am, I officially got out of bed (tired eyed but wide awake) and decided to take Milo for a walk.  It was just me. My dog.  And the paper guy that drives a white station wagon.  The rest of the neighborhood was still asleep.  It was a full moon too (or at least looked like one- I think technically the full moon is tomorrow night).  Anyway, it was a peaceful walk.  It was just what I needed: fresh air.

I then came home and told the boyfriend.  (A very sleepy boyfriend, mind you).  And he said, "Really?" And I said, "Yes, really but don't get your hopes up.  I already googled false positive and it said that is not likely but you can get a chemical pregnancy, early miscarriage, ect."  I pretty much rambled off anything that could go wrong.  Because that is how I roll.  I prepare for the worst.  I hope for the best, every time!  But, you always have to prepare for the worst.  And he said, "Ok."  Because that is what he does.  He says just enough for me to know how much he cares and understands.  Ok is all I needed to hear.

Looking back on the last week, I haven't felt much different at all.  There are only two "symptoms" that I noticed.  #1.  Very hungry.  Like I want to eat the refrigerator, hungry.  This is not surprising as I always feel this away about a week before my period.  #2.  Chills.  This is the only thing that was odd (other than the waking in the middle of the night).  Several times throughout the day I'll get a "chill" through my body.  Most the time I blame it on how freezing cold we keep our house because we are cheap.  But even throughout my work day I would get a chill.  It kinda feels like the chills you get when your getting sick with the flu or something.

So, I am pleasantly surprised with today but guarded.  Excited for the future and have said many of prayers throughout the day.

New deal with myself:  no peeing on pee stick again until Wednesday morning.