I have worried for weeks about how this would go. Would Bennett take the bottle? Would he feel abandoned? Would Jeret feel too overwhelmed? Would I fit into my new job?
Overall, the past three days were a success. They were long... yes. They were an adjustment... yes. Am I tired... yes. But I only had to work three days and I get to be home for four days in a row!! I feel very fortunate to be able to only work part time.
Since Bennett was born I have had these overwhelming maternal feelings (which I am pretty sure is normal for any new mom). I was/am woken up to a hungry baby in the middle of the night, I was never gone for longer than 1.5 or 2 hours for fear the baby would be hungry, I didn't leave the house for weeks because it was too cold for the baby to go out. I can honestly say I loved it all. I didn't feel alone or overwhelmed or tied down like people told me I would feel. I wanted to always stay home with my baby! He is just a tiny baby and he needed me and I couldn't leave him.
But then my practical husband stepped in. He reminded me how much I enjoyed working with people and getting to know my patients. He reminded me how hard I worked for four years to earn my degree. He reminded me that Bennett will get bigger and more independent and working will be good for the both of us.
So, I did it. And guess what? We both survived. I still wish that I didn't have to leave my sweet baby. But I know that with all changes... the adjustment will take time. I still worry that I won't be able to breastfeed as long as I had hoped because I am only able to pump at lunch time. But that is ok. I don't mind waking up an extra time in the middle of the night just to pump. This baby stage is so short and goes so fast. And if my milk does dry up, that is ok too. Formula babies are healthy too.
This is the new normal and that is ok with me.
Jeret brought Bennett to visit during my lunch hour. Just hanging out in the car.
A quick picture I snapped this morning.
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